when i'm down, she puts the water on for tea, and water for the orzo.

i wish i could be a little bit of something else. could do with a little love.
everything is so different when the feeling sweeps me from myself.

i don't like the disenchantment that i live with. i want different eyes and a different heart; i want my ease to fall. i'm too young to be like this. i want all those things that made me harder, to erase away.

yes, there were bad choices, and yes, there were mistakes. yes, someone took something from me.
i didn't let it kill me and make me rot, but it's another scar on my psyche. i wear all these things.

up and down, i don't know who i am, and then i do.
i'm starting to think about buying out on my mind. who needs this navelgaze garbage in me? i don't need this in me.

everyone's gotten different. people who were bright have dulled out. it's always cold. people aren't warm anymore; they just lack that life. dead fires all about. it's the mellowing. i'm so exhausted of feeling that nothing holds. this numbness becomes mine too, more and more.

i'd rather hurt than feel nothing. i miss the pain. all this impotent, flattened, restless rage.
she was unhappy, and then she was numb, and then she stopped being the gorgeous girl she was.
i don't want to be like that. i don't want the internal death.

bodily mortality is nothing when there is a chokehold grip that suffocates from inside.


..okay. enough bullshit. gonna shower it off, gtfo, & find a good laugh.